i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
