proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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