I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
