Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
