you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
