im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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