nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
