I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
