I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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