the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
