i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We have started to decorate penises.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
