Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
