just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
