Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
