I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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