I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
