so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
birth control should be required to get into college
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So vagazzling was a success
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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