dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
