I can text with my tongue
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
