Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I supernannyed him into submission
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
