When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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