i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
