I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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