I just threw up on my dentist
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
