I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
