3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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