mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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