You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
