oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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