Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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