so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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