Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
