smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize