whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
