woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
