I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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