If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
