the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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