hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
