"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
