Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
