ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
