another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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