Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
