Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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