Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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