I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
