I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
