They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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