just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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