dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
