Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
