oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
