You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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