So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
