She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
