You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
