You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
