I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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