UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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