Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
