So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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