some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
