I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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