Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
