why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
