She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
