we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
