if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
