I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
