I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
